I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
