I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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