if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
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I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
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there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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