Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
