he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
