I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
