I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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