Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
