Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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