just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
