how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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