My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
