Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
