between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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