Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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