Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
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