so let's talk penis.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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