I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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