one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
