I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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