Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
