Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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