I must be too annoying 4 u.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
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I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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