Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
