We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
my liver is dry heaving
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
