You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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