I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
