so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
did you just send me my own nude
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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