cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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