"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
