i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
