Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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