I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Boobs speak an international language.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
