Why are handjobs necessary in class?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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