Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
