I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
