You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
