Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
im holly from the hills drunk
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize