THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
