is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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