Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
