we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
where are my eyebrows?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
