The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
