You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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