come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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