And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
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She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
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You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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