I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
