Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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