dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
