i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize