sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
