I wish I could teleport
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The adults are the big ones right?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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