The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
