My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
